chin up!

there are days
when you walk down the streets
feeling like a dirt
every eyes you catch
feels more unfriendly
and insulting

there are days
when you walk down the streets
feeling loser
helpless nearly hopeless
every hearts you give
are returned
either in pieces or ashes

there are days
when you walk down the streets
like a dead meat
that you nearly curse your own life
like life itself is a burden
you wish have been thrown anywhere unknown

there are days
when you walk down the streets
in the rain
without the brain
alone and in pain

there are days
when you have them all

today is not the day

today is a brand new day
today is a day of remembrance
that you were once
walking to those streets
and they remain the witnesses

today is the day
to turn at the streets you have passed
and the bruises that is left

today is the day
to tell them all
that you have had
the heart that is alive
the pain that is cured
the match that is won
the dirt that is cleaned

today is the day
to be grateful
that those days had gone
what is left is now left

today is the day
chin up and smile
head up to the end

today is the day.

untitled kot.

thumbs up!
to be continued is devastating though.

angau bole?
:p

kau lagi.

it's not gonna work.
go go go
AWAY!

























sorry.

random rips.

i am currently skipping my lecture unintendedly (?). dah smpi rumah dah cabut baju, org mesej lecture ade what the hell aku ade 5 minutes to go.so lets give up.

of surgery department
well sometimes it became rather frustrating when things went rather unorganized.and it turns to be more devastating the only partition who are striving hard to make things better is just an unheard voice.spoken but unheard.i mean spoken not muttering. so every time our surgeon from head and neck department asked us, is there anything that makes you rather inconvenience during your stay, it is a big hesitant to us to answer. because most of the time it is not head and neck that make things hard. it's the surgery department. like when it comes to head and neck's turn, we planned things well, being rather anxious what would happen on the next day, loads of phone calls made, interrupting the co-ordinator's conference. but today when it comes to other department?haih. (please don't take heart, i mean like i don't blame the students, but rather the admins).

and yes i love being in the OT. i love glancing at everything. i won't sit down when my back ache, i am training my back.i don't wanna be a surgeon.i can't afford concentrating on thing for hours. but yes, i love OT. and by OT i mean both surgery and anaesthesia.

of the hustle bustle
please stay.i love my life this way.

of winter
i wish there will be snow. sadly i know there won't.

of dinner
i have changed my mind. i dunno why i feel rather reluctant to grab a dress and put on my head. to even walk out the door. sorry.

of the double-decker bus
what the hell it takes LE3 from gami' ibrahim to shatby? not worth it not worth it.

. . .

it's annoying, yes
when people keep on reminding you
that your age is turning on
and you are rather reluctant
to add another integer

it's annoying, yes
when people keep on telling you
you have changed
and a wow that sounds rather sarcastic

it's annoying, yes
when people say
you are acting not
proportionate to your age

it's annoying, yes
when people keep burdening
with those questions
of who and when

it's annoying, yes
when those people
with those sarcastic wows
are rather talking
and far away from walking

it's annoying, yes
when you decided to grow up
and act a little wiser
but you fail to obtain any wise support

it's annoying, yes
but being a wise
make a line
don't bother the people otherwise.

OT vol 1

finally yeah i have managed to step in one (mind you that this is other's twice- so just imagine what a mess i have became). basically i was entering for anaesthesia class. but to keep your eyes off of the surgeon's hands is another burden. i kept glancing, while partially listening. and lucky enough there were 2 surgeries to be done. joyous, aite?

the first one was a female suffering from paraumbilical hernia. when i entered the OT she had underwent half way of the surgery, or perhaps 3/4th of it. she has been completely anaesthesized generally, the abdomen has been cut opened. our supervisor told us that she was given isoflurane, muscle relaxant and one of the opioid, fentanyl before the opertation. and yes together with spinal anaesthetic, given at the level of L4 and L5, since the operation involved the umbilicus and the area around it and the lower part. when the surgeon was about to suture the wound, or perhaps half way done suturing the wound, the isoflurane administration was stopped and spontaneous breathing is initiated. and the patient started to regain consciousness. a drug was given to antagonized the muscle relaxant effect.the patient started to open her eyes. and guess what i saw this anaesthetist patting hard few times on the patients forehead, which is quite inappropriate an inhuman for me. and after that when they were about to move this patient onto a stretcher to be sent to the ward, they were like dragging this patient onto it rather than putting her properly. so ouch, this hits my nerves!

the second case was a man suffering from haemorrhoids. he was given spinal anaesthesia and diazepam as a sedative. and my second ouch comes when the anaesthetist was just about to administer the spinal anaesthetics. he did not put any local anaesthetics on the skin surface. so the patient had of course suffer a great pain. imagine putting a needle, a long, big one into you spine, and the anaesthetist keep entering to the wrong side 3 times. what a pain. well, the skin was supposed to be anesthesized, but i think because this is a university hospital that the service went that bad. they are egptians by the way.

i think now i love medicine. but i need a strong strength and will to regain the one week i have decided to let myself been left.

p/s: if you are reading this rahmah, i would like to hear your comments on our surgery here, and yours over there. lots of love.

Learn Arabic the English Way.

Click here.

نَـزَلَ بِهِ الرُّوحُ الأَمِينُ ٭ عَلَى قَلْبِكَ لِتَكُونَ مِــنَ الْمُنْذِرِينَ ٭ بِلِسَانٍ عَرَبِيٍّ مُّبِينٍ
The Trustworthy Spirit (Jibra`il) has brought this (the Qur`an) to your (Muhammad) heart so that you may be amongst the warners, in a clear, understandable, Arabic
(Suratul Shu’ara (26), Verse 193 to 195)

p/s: If there is a will, there is a way. :)